BY AMANDA SOVAGO-ROYAL, blogger and sex educator.
Based on the widespread popularity of the recent box office hit, 50 Shades of Grey, you’ve most likely heard of the erotic act of roleplaying known as BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and sadomasochism), but few people are aware of the subsets within BDSM.
There are many misconceptions about those particular fetishes that are quickly dispelled once you can plainly define what DDlg and Petplay are, isn’t, and how its done right, and we’ve taken the liberty to do just that in this Ultimate Guide to DDlg & Petplay.
Defining DDlg Once And For All
Before we jump into one of the most controversial subsets of BDSM known as “DDlg”, we must first point out that this type of relationship dynamic involves consenting adults, and does not involve minors, pedophilia, or incest in any way.
DD/lg roleplay is where one person in the relationship serves as the caregiver (dominant) while the other person serves in a childlike (submissive) state. Although the relationship is agreed upon by adults, the stigma surrounding DDlg, unfortunately, remains in mainstream “Vanilla” mindsets simple due to the “lg” acronym representing the title of “little girl.”
Sure, some relationships involve ageplay (acting or treating another as if they were older/younger than their real age, sexually or non-sexually), but we should keep in mind that some DDlg relationships aren’t sexual at all. Nonsexual DDlg dynamics typically involve play centered around activities like reading bedtime stories, coloring, playing with stuffed animals with BDSM aspects like limitations or spankings when needed.
For relationships involving sex, we could easily argue that this form of roleplay is no different than the typical vanilla fantasy of a sex-crazed secretary whom can’t keep her hands off her married hesitant boss.
After fantasy comparisons are made the follow-up complaint seems to always be that DDlg promotes sexism, stereotyping men and women into gender roles” but that’s wrong.
Both the dominant and submissive roles can be occupied by both men and women, with the possibility of swapping roles back and forth in cases where parties may identify as versatile ( or “switches”) able to play both D/s depending on how they feel at that moment.
You’ll find that this type of connection is ultimately no more taboo than vanilla relationships we hold as golden standard models every day.
In actuality, DDlg dynamics require more love, care, guidance, and discipline than most, so communication between the parties is the second most important rule (following the rule of consenting adults) in the relationship.
Petplay RolePlay For Laymen
So you’re probably wondering why we’re talking about pets and DDlg in the same article?
The reason for this is because like DDlg, Petplay is often negatively judged and misunderstood by those outside of the BDSM community.
Though this subset of BDSM has the word “pet” in it, both parties actors are consenting human adults engaging in animalistic play.
The “Owner” (the dominant) will interact with their “pet” (the submissive) who takes on the role of a puppy, kitten, fox, or whatever animal the parties desire. Pet play can also be sexual for some, while nonsexual for others with attentive activities like affectionate belly rubs, playtime with chew toys, training tasks, and discipline.
Sexual petplay partnerships should not be confused with “zoophilia,” a fetish in which sexual roleplays where the human being transforms into an altered mind-space into that of an animal (note: zoophilia is not the same as bestiality which involves real animals).
For more expert tips regarding Pet Play check out our Beginner’s Guide To Fun And Safety.
The Differences Between DDlg & Petplay
DDlg and Petplay similarities have already been highlighted: Consenting adults, Roleplay, and D/s Relationship Dynamics.
The significant differences between two roleplays would be the equipment.
As with anything the type of equipment one chooses to use to indulge in DDlg and Petplay should be based on personal comfortability but there are some BDSM tools that at first glance seem similar but are worn more so in the DDlg scene or Petplay scene individually.
Leash vs. Chain:
What you’ll see in the DDlg is typically a standard small or medium-sized leather leash being used, whereas in the Petplay scene Owners will often lead their pets around with metal chains more reminiscent of those you’d see on an actual animal for a more realistic play experience for both parties.
Ball Gag vs. Bit Gag:
Ball gags (usually made of rubber or silicone balls held in the mouth, behind the teeth, by a strap) is worn in the DDlg scene during sex or discipline scenarios.
Bit Gags (also made of rubber or silicone horizontal bar, held in the mouth behind the teeth, by a strap) worn during Petplay for many reasons.
Butt Plug vs. Pet Plug:
Anal plugs can design using rubber, silicone, metal, and even natural materials like wood.
A typical DDlg butt plug is made of metal and adorned with pastel rhinestones molded into cute shapes such as hearts at the exterior end.
Onesies vs. Bodystocking:
DDlg onesies are a very popular, as well as the typical cutesy wears such as skirts, leg warmers, dresses and anything colorful and youthful.
For Petplay its common for players to wear body stockings, solid colored or animal print, that reflects the animal they wish to be.
Bodystockings also make the player look more streamline/uniform from head to toe similar to an animal as clothes are for humans, not animals.
FAQs About The Scene
“I’m into DDlg or Petplay specifically, how can I get into that scene?”
Online BDSM chat rooms and forum websites like FetLife is a great way to meet people interested and involved in the BDSM community locally and nationally.
There are other ways to go about getting into the BDSM and subset scenes but online is by far the best way for newbies since its online versus in person with the potential dangers.
By mingling online first you can learn more about the scene, open up more freely and anonymously, and watch how others engage with one another to learn acceptable “Do’s & Dont’s” of the scene without having to experience them yourself firsthand.
Look for specific DDlg and Petplay groups, join, engage, and have fun!
“I’m shy, how can I mingle without being awkward?”
The best icebreakers at scene parties are costumes and gear.
If you show up in really cool (whatever that means for you) gear or costumes you’ll definitely have men and women approach you to compliment your wares and strike up a conversation.
If you’re of legal drinking age, enjoy one or two cocktails to loosen up but don’t go over your limit and risk looking sloppy or drive home drunk.
Definitely browse the attendees list reach out to others attending the event beforehand, even a simple introduction of who you are, and chances are you’ll bump into them at the party and already have an acquaintance to mingle with.
“How can I have fun and be safe at the same time?”
The same dating and safety rules one has would apply in the BDSM scene.
Before engaging in any act (especially anything requiring physical contact) you’ll want to make sure you give and receive consent to any activity that takes place.
Don’t be a wallflower, have fun, but don’t be pushy about getting others to interact with you otherwise you’ll gain a reputation in the community as being a bully and even be blackballed from private events that can be super fun and sexy!
What kind of gear do you need for DDlg or Petplay?
Typical DDlg gear would be collars, pastel bondage sets, butt plugs, “Daddy” clothing, and even pacifiers. For Petplay you’ll definitely need an animal tail (whichever animal you prefer), masks, and body harnesses.
So, now that you’ve officially been given the 411 on the DDlg & Petplay similarities, differences, gear, and scene etiquette you’re no doubt feeling like a kinkalciious roleplay expert. Great! That’s exactly how Buy Tail Plugs wants you to feel.
Our passion is to provide expert BDSM, Sex Toys, Kink Knowledge, and Roleplay Gear that will give you the confidence you need in order to live your fantasies to the fullest and and transform the into realities!